This has been 1 hell of a week. I can't believe how an innocent message could erupt such fury from one person.
I could really just take the whole bottle of Ativan pills and just go to sleep, it would solve all of my problems, no one would give a damn - sure a few tears and then they dry up and everyone goes on with their life-- they will talk about all the junk I left behind and complain about how they have to clean and throw out all of my stuff - I can hear them saying "can you believe all this stuff, just look at it, just feel like dumping the whole shebang in a dumpster - well do it people - dump all of it - so very tempting to take those pills - they say it is a cowards way out, but I so heartily disagree
Saturday, August 1, 2015
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
What A Loser
Dear Life,
What type of a husband calls to inquire about buying cemetery plots whenever his wife just found out she had a suspicious lump, and had a biopsy to find out if her lump is cancerous or not?
She truly could not believe it, even though it was right in front of her. She just sat down and stared at the paper. Finally the reality of it hit her, he thinks she is going to die,
That's really a supportive, caring, loving, stand by your wife man eh? He has so much faith, that he calls the cemetery to find out the cost of lots!
Last week when she found out about the suspicious lump, he never talked to her except to ask her if she was mad. Then he just went on with his life, like what happened didn't exist, and the next day he never even called one time to ask how she was doing. And to think she thought that was uncaring!
She wonders what the hell he would think or feel if he was the one with the suspicious lump and found out his wife was calling for cemetery pricing. Really
He didn't tell his wife he was going to inquire, no, of course not, who does something like this except an uncaring, totally thoughtless.unloving, only thinking of himself person.
She found the paper while cleaning the kitchen counter and saw the initials and the telephone number he wrote on it. along with the price.
When she confronted him, he tried to bluff his way out of it, but finally he asked her why she was reading his personal papers. That's when she felt like a knife had stabbed her deep in the heart.
If it was that personal why have it laying around where she could see it? She always looks through his scraps of paper to see what she can throw away.
The horror and hurt she feels is indescribable. How long has this act, yes act, of a so called thoughtful, loving, caring husband been going on.
It's truly like a nightmare. Having to go through this is awful enough and then finding out what he had the gull to do - to say my heart hurts is putting it mildly
If his kids find out, they would lose all respect for him as I have, they would be beyond shocked, as I am, and if she posted this on face book -They would despise him, as I do What a lower than life piece of dirt. He already has me dead and inquiring on a plot to bury me in - -
What type of a husband calls to inquire about buying cemetery plots whenever his wife just found out she had a suspicious lump, and had a biopsy to find out if her lump is cancerous or not?
She truly could not believe it, even though it was right in front of her. She just sat down and stared at the paper. Finally the reality of it hit her, he thinks she is going to die,
That's really a supportive, caring, loving, stand by your wife man eh? He has so much faith, that he calls the cemetery to find out the cost of lots!
Last week when she found out about the suspicious lump, he never talked to her except to ask her if she was mad. Then he just went on with his life, like what happened didn't exist, and the next day he never even called one time to ask how she was doing. And to think she thought that was uncaring!
She wonders what the hell he would think or feel if he was the one with the suspicious lump and found out his wife was calling for cemetery pricing. Really
He didn't tell his wife he was going to inquire, no, of course not, who does something like this except an uncaring, totally thoughtless.unloving, only thinking of himself person.
She found the paper while cleaning the kitchen counter and saw the initials and the telephone number he wrote on it. along with the price.
When she confronted him, he tried to bluff his way out of it, but finally he asked her why she was reading his personal papers. That's when she felt like a knife had stabbed her deep in the heart.
If it was that personal why have it laying around where she could see it? She always looks through his scraps of paper to see what she can throw away.
The horror and hurt she feels is indescribable. How long has this act, yes act, of a so called thoughtful, loving, caring husband been going on.
It's truly like a nightmare. Having to go through this is awful enough and then finding out what he had the gull to do - to say my heart hurts is putting it mildly
If his kids find out, they would lose all respect for him as I have, they would be beyond shocked, as I am, and if she posted this on face book -They would despise him, as I do What a lower than life piece of dirt. He already has me dead and inquiring on a plot to bury me in - -
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Pretense in Life
Dear Life,
Did you ever notice the acting people do and how good they are at it?
Maybe not, some people are so involved in their own lives, that they have no time or desire to think about it.
They might not even recognize the pretense in their own life because of the trust and love they feel is there. Whether the individual acknowledges the pretense, is up to them. However, there are many that are naive and are totally oblivious to what is going on. But you, Life, well, you know because you observe what is happening daily.
A belief in thinking someone cared because they said they did, only their action prove otherwise, is pretense. For instance, infidelity is a betrayal of trust, and pretense. A person who lied to you would be hard to believe in again, because of pretense, a promise made to you, then broken for no reason, a confidence repeated, a unpleasant health report, and no one acknowledging it. All of these show the pretense in life -
I use to be naïve, I believed everything that was told to me, verbatim. A gray area didn't exist, it was all black and white. I took life as it came, whatever the day brought, I dealt with, not expecting anything unpleasant. Sometimes there were little surprises that were disappointments, but nothing earth shattering. I could still carry on. When someone said they cared, I believed - no more, I am going to be one terrific actress.
SOMETIMES LIFE GETS IN THE WAY
Dear Life,
1/30/13
Why are you
so unfair? Isn’t one time enough for a
person?
I truly did
not think I had anything to worry about.
I was just
starting to relax a little bit, when you decided to knock the wind out of my
sail.
Can you tell
me – why me? Not fair Life, Not fair. I
know you are not supposed to ask why, but damn it, why me, why now?
Yes, you
have managed to scare me big time. I am truly worried and scared. I am not as agile as I was before. I am also
fat! How am I going to have the strength
to work through this again?
The doctor
sure was wrong, he said I was pretty much out of the danger zone, and he did
not want to see me for a year. He gave me false hope. I actually believed him.
Oh yes, and
I have not been to church since last May, I’m sure that didn’t help my
situation. How is God supposed to listen to me now, when I only go to Him when
I need him? How can I even ask Him?
Right now, I
hate you Life, I hate you with a passion.
HELLO LIFE
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Good Morning Life, 1/30/13
Strange morning with my hubby. He was quiet, but I knew he was thinking about my doctors visit yesterday and the diagnosis. Yet he did not mention anything.. Not even "How are you this morning."
So am I to pretend that nothing happened. Like everything is normal as before?
That would be so hard for me to do, I need to talk to someone about my feelings, or else I will go crazy.
I don't want to tell the kids, they have enough on their plate, and what can they do anyhow? Nothing except pray. but would they say? what could they say? Nothing.
I thought I could talk to him, but I guess he is not up to it yet. Feel so alone
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Good Morning Life, 1/30/13
Strange morning with my hubby. He was quiet, but I knew he was thinking about my doctors visit yesterday and the diagnosis. Yet he did not mention anything.. Not even "How are you this morning."
So am I to pretend that nothing happened. Like everything is normal as before?
That would be so hard for me to do, I need to talk to someone about my feelings, or else I will go crazy.
I don't want to tell the kids, they have enough on their plate, and what can they do anyhow? Nothing except pray. but would they say? what could they say? Nothing.
I thought I could talk to him, but I guess he is not up to it yet. Feel so alone
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